Friday, September 28, 2007

Autumn Calling

I can feel the crisp charge of Autumn energy beginning to course through my soul. This is a time of year that so resonates for me, that to consider it is almost to cry... Sublime, yes that is what it is... sublime.

But alas, I am living in a part of the country where the effects, the impact, the joy of Autumn is muted and dulled. How so? Heat, humidity. Yes, living in Florida is not the ideal way to experience Autumn.

I long for northern climes. I long for waking to crisp, sometimes frosty mornings that call for blue jeans and jackets. To feel winter's welcoming breeze on my face. To shuffle my feet through gently laid drifts of leaves blazing with the colors of Autumn.

Halloween comes soon, and memories of trick or treating in the cool fall air play through my mind, plucking at heart strings. And so I long for northern climes. I long to live in a place where snow can happen in winter, if not lots, at least a maybe. I long to wake on weekend mornings and lounge in bed, watching the leaves turn golden outside. Then to head outside covered in warm layers and feel that crisp air on my face, in my lungs, in my soul.

In the meantime, this fall, this winter, I will enjoy every smidgen of fall that comes my way. And I will enjoy the moments I have, while I am having them, and save the longing for the quiet moments.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Divinely Pointless

It occurs to me to wonder if parental adults, as opposed to childless adults, ponder the purpose of life question as much as childless adults. This is because I wonder if perhaps the purpose of life is to 'beget' life yet again. Is the reason we are here simply to make more of us? Simply to perpetuate ourselves?

Seemingly, to have children would almost seem like enough purpose in life, all of itself. What more accomplishment could one ask for, than to bring children into the world? And that being said, what is the purpose of childless adults? I mean, once we are adults, and no longer children ourselves, we are no longer the ends to the means of our parents' purpose, but now adrift with our own purpose. Unless of course, we do not have children.

IF, and I really mean IF the purpose of life is to have children, and one has come to that point in life where they will not be having children, then what is their part in the play that is life, on the stage that is the world around us, our planet? In those terms, are we not simply extras, supporting cast, bit players? Or can we carve out a more meaningful part in our lives? Hmmm, choices, choices... custodian to the child-bearers, or maintenance man to the baby set?

Or perhaps a different role altogether... A role not filled by doting parents, failing parents, drunk and worthless parents? Perhaps there is yet purpose of a noble sort reserved, in fact, for those unencumbered by duty to child. What of you, childless or child rearing? What is the purpose of life? What is the meaning of life? Do YOU have meaning in your life? Do you know YOUR purpose?

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Stop Signs! or Stop Talking?

Someone I know and like at work seems to have stopped talking to me. I mean, there are the casual hello's, but the lively, happy to see you feeling is gone. I have noticed this over the last week or so. And it pains me. This was someone who I thought of as being a really good person, the kind of person you WANT as a friend, the kind of person that you can enjoy hanging out with. So I have been trying to figure out what I did wrong. What did I say, or not say, or do, or not do, to make them feel this way about me? * Notice the egocentric perspective of this thinking. It all revolves around ME. *

So as I thought more about this person this morning, and their expression when I see them lately, it FINALLY occurs to me that maybe, just maybe, it has NOTHING to do with me. Perhaps this person, who I like so much, and respect so much, is having some other sort of difficulty in their life! What if, in fact, what they need right now is some support? Because let me tell you, that is not how I was thinking. Being self-centered as I am, I was thinking more like "Hey, whatever, if you don't want to be friends, that is alright with me, I don't NEED friends." So I guess you might call it a paradigm shift this morning. I need to find this person today and ask them if they are all right, if there is anything I can do for them! After all, when a person brings all that good feeling into your day for weeks and months, it is your duty to try to return the favor when they are feeling down!

Now, on to STOP SIGNS... WHY DO WE STOP??? I mean, when we can obviously see that there are no other cars around, as is the case in quiet neighborhoods far from main roads, why do we stop for NOTHING? In this petroleum ransomed world we live in, when will we start each thinking individually about the right and wrong of each action we take? I figure every time I stop at a stop sign when there is nobody else around, I waste gasoline, I waste brake pad lining, I waste time, and so on and so on. So... WHY DO WE STOP??? Yes, I know it is 'the law', but... I ask you... WHY DO WE STOP???

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Misery or Happiness

A question I ponder quite often of late. Are we, some of us, miserable simply because we CHOOSE to be miserable? Perhaps that is the case. For myself, I have become suspicious of this possibility. So I am on notice, to watch for the signs... am I practicing 'miserability'? Am I producing gloom and despair for my own personal consumption? If so, how do I stop myself? Am I a freaking Jekyll and Hyde???

In the meantime, I have to go prepare for my next dose of dualism... forgive me if I rush off.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Redemption

I often debate with myself whether I am on the road to redemption, or spiraling down into hell on the back of a donkey called Insane. In a moment of lucidity, I have named this blog, optimistically, for my redemption. Of course, I may wake up tomorrow and find I have created another blog named, pessimistically, for my evaporation.

How very melodramatic, don't you think? Well, then, you have hit the nail on the head. This shall be the outlet of all my dramatic creativity.

How DOES it feel to be fading into that not-so-quiet repose of insanity? What is it like to look down the road ahead and see the giant "CRAZY-VILLE" sign beckoning? Perhaps it feels just like I feel these days! Perhaps that ringing sound, or more like sensation, IS what it feels like to be going insane...

And then, perhaps it is my neighbors cranky old air conditioning unit, growling away in the darkness outside my window. It seems to sing a sad song over and over and over... kill me now, it sings, put me out of my misery, kill me now, kill me now, put me out of my misery. OF COURSE an a/c unit cannot SING! I just said it SEEMS to sing. See there, now you are trying to make out like I AM crazy! And I never said THAT... Or did I? Hmmmm...