I often debate with myself whether I am on the road to redemption, or spiraling down into hell on the back of a donkey called Insane. In a moment of lucidity, I have named this blog, optimistically, for my redemption. Of course, I may wake up tomorrow and find I have created another blog named, pessimistically, for my evaporation.
How very melodramatic, don't you think? Well, then, you have hit the nail on the head. This shall be the outlet of all my dramatic creativity.
How DOES it feel to be fading into that not-so-quiet repose of insanity? What is it like to look down the road ahead and see the giant "CRAZY-VILLE" sign beckoning? Perhaps it feels just like I feel these days! Perhaps that ringing sound, or more like sensation, IS what it feels like to be going insane...
And then, perhaps it is my neighbors cranky old air conditioning unit, growling away in the darkness outside my window. It seems to sing a sad song over and over and over... kill me now, it sings, put me out of my misery, kill me now, kill me now, put me out of my misery. OF COURSE an a/c unit cannot SING! I just said it SEEMS to sing. See there, now you are trying to make out like I AM crazy! And I never said THAT... Or did I? Hmmmm...
3 comments:
My question is why is it redemption or insanity?
Why can't you just carry on without trying to prove your self over and over again?
Why can't you just live and learn?
What is the purpose of beating yourself up all the time for past mistakes.
Carry on with life while learning from it.
Guilt doesn't solve your issues.
My other question is how would you know if you were going insane unless someone told you? I think you would never know if you were leaving sanity.
I think it would just be lovely.
What do you think... crazy is just crazy and that opens so many doors... for we of the non insane world would never go through and when we do, we then ask for redemption.
Wayne I found your web sight by accident; i was looking for photos of the Pinelas bike path and your sight came up. i have to say i've enjoyed looking at the photos and reading your comments; very introspectiven and honest.
I get the impression from time to time that all is not well in Wayne's world...Wayne's not happy...he's searching...for meaning in life? truth? who knows. Wayne if you are worried about your mental health speak to your family doctor...everybody needs a little help from time to time...your not alone. good luck in slaying your personal demons; we all have them.
Hi Wayne,
I rode the donkey to Crazyville, it was kind of scary, but I found out it's pretty common.
Oddly enough, I found my redemption in Dunedin Fla. I drove down to Dunedin and rented a small cottage off Alt19. I stayed for 3 weeks and relaxed for the first time in a long time. It did me a lot of good. I'm still a little bit crazy, but who isn't.
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